Pryoequinoskelephobia
Equinoskelephobia. It affects all of us from an early age, whether we admit it or not. But that's not what I'm here to talk about today. Instead, I'll address a far more intense subject.
Pyroequinoskelephobia.
You said it aloud, didn't you? Felt the chills down your spine, the numbness in your fingertips? Suddenly, sweat beads on your brow. You're afraid to read on, but yet, feel compelled to dive even further into the rabbit hole...to get to the bottom of this instinctive, primal fear.
Fire isn't scary.
Horses aren't scary.
Skeletons aren't scary.
Then, I ask you, why is THIS so mind-numbingly paralyzing?
God...I know, I know. It's hard to take.
Let's start with the known, proven facts.
1. Flaming horse skeletons (FHSes) are the cause of "charlie horses."
Who likes charlie horses? Nobody! Even if you don't think you're afraid of FHSes, you can't honestly say that you've never laid down at night without worrying about your old buddy Charlie. Like a friend of mine once said, "Charlie is a bad boy." He's entirely ruthless and merciless. He strikes when, where, and at whom he pleases.
Sure, Charlie's rough. Cruel, even. But consider this: Charles is only a henchmen, a mere pawn in the scheme of a much more vile crowd. Tugging on your leg, twisting your tendons inside-out is simply a message from those smoldering pony bones, saying "Hey, we're here. Remember that."
2. They're on fire.
That's simple enough, isn't it? Do you like being on fire?
3. Apparently, they have thumbs.
Yeah. In my personal nightmare experience, they seem to be indoors, more often than not. Particularily disturbing is the one that made into the passenger seat of my sports car.
4. 'The Da Vinci Code' agrees that they are, in fact, creepy.
Watch it.
If those aren't enough reasons for you....well, there's something seriously wrong with you. Scroll up, and give that picture a second glance. There's a fifth one for you.
Hi. I'm Billy, and I'm a pyroequinoskelephobiac.
And so are you.
- Peace.
